Sunday, December 25, 2005
i think dis yr's christmas kinda suck. on christmas eve, i had dinner with yq n we went to watch family stone, den i had to run into HIM when 1/2 the world is in town. i wish i din luk down while going down the escalator den arden n i wld'v probably not spotted each other. we crapped for awhile den went our separate ways but merely seeing him is enuf to
make me feel damn sian the whole nite n i even dreamt of him while slping. sheesh.. but it wasnt a gd dream lah. just a stupid dream dat makes no sense n has has no meaning except dat we'd keep bumping into each other n feel v sian.
i wonder y arden just had to ask me if i rem last christmas eve. yes i remember.
i rem the 3 of us plus pei met up at chijmes n the 2 of them took a cab for nth cos they lost their way. den we walked abt n went clarke quay n to a club dat was holding a gay party. i rem pei n arden cheekily made me dance with him n i rem feeling v paiseh. den we went esplanade area where we sat at a table n the 3 of them slept a little but i din slp n went to side by the singapore river. they joined me ther after awhile n i rem sitting back-to-back with him, watching the sun rise tho i think we were probably facing the wrong direction cos the sky brightened but there was no sign of the sun. but at dat time it din matter cos i alr felt v happy. but i dun really wan to rem dat now.anw back to wad i was saying.. i called ry to come out cos yq din wan to countdown. not dat i wanted to, but i just din feel lyk going home. ended up staying over at ry's hse n went church on christmas morn with my mum n sis. they went town to shop after church but i went home to wash up b4 meeting another fren for movie cos he said he made me something for christmas n wld only give it to me if i watch a movie with him. it's not dat i desperately wanted the prez but i agreed anyway cos since he alr made it for me, it's q rude if we meet just so he cld pass it to me, n even more rude if i told him i din wan it or wad.
i enjoyed myself actually.. we talked n walked arnd the place while waiting for the time dat the movie starts. while we were walking arnd he noticed i wasnt wearing my toe ring dat my ai ren gave to me during our geog trip last yr. was q surprised dat he
noticed such an insignificant thing, but recently i realised dat he's always noticed a number of little habits i have, or the things i do. he'd offer me his water bottle everytime i kept coughing n bought me strepsils n a lollipop when we went cold storage. we talked abt q alot of things n i felt q comfortable with him mostly cos we'v known each other for q long n we'r able to get along well. anw he gave me a cup dat he bought but said he'd give me the thing dat he made later.
the movie was not too bad but the theatre was damn cold.
everytime i watch a movie, i wld rem how i used to lean on the other person n it'll give me a warm happy feeling. but of cos, i cldnt do dat yday lah. in the cinema, he gave me the other thing. it was supposed to
glow in the dark but bcos he kept it too long in his pocket, it din glow anymore n he was v disappointed. haha i tot it was q cute when he was so sian diao dat it wasnt glowing. it has
little paper cranes n paper stars inside, together with a small slip of paper saying
"merry xmas" n some little christmas decorations drawn on it.
it's a v simple gift but it's also v sweet. mayb it's a little cliche but somehow i find it q sweet when guys fold such things for girls. jeff once folded a whole bottle of colourful cranes for me. i was v touched. i'd rather get something dat sum1 made for me instead of buying it cos i really appreciate the time n effort taken to make those things.
after the movie we went for dinner n he ordered noodles for the both of us cos he said when u'r cold, eat a bowl of hot noodles will feel warm faster. but i'm no gd with chopsticks so he went to get a fork for me, which i tot was q sweet of him. after dat he sent me home tho i said it wasnt necessary. on the bus, we talked abt some stuffs lah, den he was q sad abt sth. but anw the lastime he sent me home, i waited with him at the busstop for his bus but yday he insisted on walking me to my void deck. i felt lyk sth was not v right so i hurriedly went into the lift n said bye. on the overall, it kinda felt lyk a date except there was no hand-holding or wadeva u do when u'r out with ur gf/bf.
after dat he msged me later to say he hope i lyk the prez n started saying dat he has alot of
"complex feelings now" n suddenly asked me wad wld my reaction b if he says he's after me. frankly, i'm not v sure abt how i feel towards him. i told him i think it's q weird n dat i havent gotten over sum1. he said he noes all dat, but he still wanted to ask cos he doesnt wan to regret in case wad he thinks he noes is inaccurate. i asked
"y me?" n he said he feels comfortable with me n i'm the 1st to come to mind when sth happens n he wans to tell sum1. he also told me to smile more cos he lyks my smile n says i luk vv sweet when i smile. haha i wonder if all guys lyk to tell dat to girls cos it's not e 1st time sum1 says dat to me, n obviously u wun tell sum1 to
"frown more cos u luk v sweet" wad. haha find it q farny :P
i think if we go out v often n talk v often, i
may start to lyk him. but right now i'm just not ready for anything to happen yet. he says he understand n dat he hope i'm open abt it n i am lah so i'm glad we'r still talking lyk normal cos i think he noes me q well n is a fren worth keeping, whether or not we can or will progress further in time to come. i think he's not v confident abt making things happen cos of certain reasons, n on my side, i just think it's not right to accept any1 new b4 i fully let go of wad's alr gone cos it wun b fair to him. wad's urs will b urs lah. wad's not urs will nv b urs no matter how long u wait for it..
for q some time, i'v not deleted anything from my hp's inbox cos i cldnt make myself delete everything. but yday n 2day, after receiving smses from him i deleted some of the old n meaningless msgs dat i'v kept to make space for the new ones. i think dat's wad i hafta do with my life lah.. altho wad i wan doesnt wan me anymore, there'r others who do. so i shd stop being the pathetic fool n
clear away the old n expired things dat i'm not able to save n renew to make space for new things. perhaps when sch starts n DAT person goes off to some place where i wun get to c him for q a long time, it'll help me to get pass the past faster.
random thoughts at 11:52:00 PM
